Monday, October 13, 2008
Coming Soon . . .
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Of Real Importance
There are so many issues making news right now. Recently my water-cooler conversations have been primarily political in nature; now we are facing seemingly bigger problems with the banking/financial system. Ugh. . . Not much of this news is positive and I’m afraid the finger pointing has just started. Rather than dwell on any of these topics (at least for now, as I have plenty of opinions on them), I’ve chosen to devote this first post to a thing in life that is of real importance, something positive, uplifting and full of hope. For me that is my family.
I love my wife. She possesses so many good qualities, many of which I lack. She has sacrificed and continues to do so for the well being of our family. While I wander here and there, she continues to be my compass, pointing me towards the direction in which I should go. She makes me better. I’m not quite that is what she signed up for, but I am grateful.
In May, Michelle and I were blessed with a beautiful baby girl. Our first child. No doubt, being a parent and father is an “experience thing”. For me, an “experience thing” is something that one can talk about until they are blue in the face but that is not really known until actually experienced. Examples include visiting Minnesota’s Boundary Waters or the Grand Canyon; these places can’t really be captured in a postcard or video camera. Their true beauty can only be expressed in its fullest by actually being there and taking it in. If you’ve been to a place like this, you know what I mean. I can remember thinking about what it was going to be like as a dad. I had an idea, but didn’t really know until the days after Hannah was born. It is an adventure and I’m sure one that will be filled with all sorts of “experience moments”.
I can remember holding Hannah directly after delivery. Michelle was exhausted and I held Hannah for about 20 straight minutes. I couldn’t get over the fact that God had blessed me (me, a nobody, a schmuck, a guy who himself IS a kid) with a beautiful baby girl. When I finally handed her to Michelle, I could hardly move my arms. I was holding Hannah so carefully that my arms were stiff. Michelle jokes that God gave us a girl to soften me up. It didn’t take long. As I held her, I went through so many emotions. I remember being so hopeful for her—wanting nothing but the best for her. But mostly, I just wanted to be someone who was worthy to be her dad. I love her so much.
I remember thinking (as most parents do at some point) what would we do if something were to happen to her. What would my response be toward God if something were to happen to this precious little girl and she was no longer with us? I actually posed that question to Michelle when Hannah was about three months old. She started to tear up at the mention of it. I’m not exactly sure why I even posed that question but I do remember my response. I would hate God. No good God would allow something to happen to this precious, innocent little baby. If something bad happened, I remember thinking that I’d shut God out. It would be His fault. And I would curse him until I couldn’t curse anymore. That was my very real knee-jerk reaction. Thinking about this later I think it helped me to understand why so many people push God away or deny His existence (topics for another post perhaps). Upon further reflection, I think my response would be different—I would hope that I would run towards God, not away.
Being a father is a tremendous responsibility. It’s one that makes me re-think each of my thoughts and actions. It causes me to understand in a very real way the effects that I have and will have on my child. Being a father, a dad, and a daddy, causes me to be reminded that I need patience and it convicts me when I find that I’m being selfish. And it makes me want to be a better person. And for that, I’m grateful.
John Wayne